Not good

Today i got back here, feeling more depressed than I have ever felt for the past four yrs...Now this is the real deal, I am definitely coming back to HELL....n i wonder why I felt depressed for no reason last time when Im coming back here for Uni....i wish I could turn back the clock n appreciate those coming-back-to-Uni moments....

I bawled like a baby as I watched my dad's little toyota slowly disappeared away from my bus view...its really depressing n I am not pulling a drama queen here...I even had to blow my nose quietly to avoid unwanted attention.

Its not that Im unhappy for no reason, but Im really seriously unhappy of the whole situation here...Work.

As expected, work is really creating a huge misery for me, to begin with I did not receive my pay for the mth of Jan because of my transfer n complicated position in the company...drama drama drama all over again....n work has not been a smooth ride for me, even tho I have been working for wat?five mths?by right I should be blending in comfortably already but I still feel like a complete stranger shun by others...maybe its coz Im really stupid...slow...dense..watever reason.

Many ppl told me "Just quit la if ur so unhappy"....Trust me I definitely LOVE to quit, but not now...because I am a NOBODY, i cant possibly quit and then start all over again expecting a better environment n better pay...no way~...plus the fact that Im under Employment Pass, so its really hard to get a job if you have a "bad record"....so die die must suck it up for at least few more mths.

I am on still on leave today but I have been doing nothing but check emails n clearing all work related shit since I got back for the past few hours.....

I hate this shit....n I am missing home already.

Wake up call

Today I finally got a wake up call...i checked my BMI at the gym n OH BOY my fat percentage was ABOVE the normal range!!!FML indeed...n to think tht i was so skinny two mths back...with half the fat percentage of the range...n 2kgs lighter...i know u must be thinking 2kgs is nothing but i swear I do feel fatter n today's measurement just frickin' sealed the deal alright~

I dont know, maybe its the drinking, maybe its the gym, maybe its the temptation of Raf Place's food,maybe coz I pulled out of dance or maybe its everything combined....I have never felt so disgusted before I swear....to fall out from the average range is just disgusting, its like saying you're Obese!...call me overreacting but I refuse to succumb to this shit...

Therefore, I fell for it.....I signed on with a PT...there goes...I have better be frickin' fit n toned after this whole shit...I SWEAR....its time to wake up really...n NO i ain't Overreacting!!

N yea, my PT told me to stop drinking so much....yuan lai alcohol really kills...not your liver but ur self esteem...cuz it makes ppl fat....k my resolution is to only drink ONCE a week...haha

my pillar of strength

Thank you to all my wonderful friends out there who gave me the encouragement whenever I whine about work...u know who u are, so thank u each n everyone of u....its comforting really.

Since I am no longer dancing, all I do now is Gym n gym n gym..besides working of course...n I have been heavier despite the fact tht i gymmed more often...ridiculous...so i think i HAVE to believe that it is Muscle weight...confirm...it has to be...i dont care..

But I am feeling much better n healthier too...so heck the weight gain la aiyah its over I dont need to be light cuz I am not dancing anymore so who cares....no nid to flaunt mid rif no nid ppl to carry...no stress just be heavy....but rmbr, heavy doesnt mean FAT...sensitive issue ok...I am heavy with Muscles ok...not fats..

K peace out~

Wishes

I wish for...a better life.

I wish for...a better job.

I wish for...a better pay.

I wish for....a better future.

Of course we can make all these wishes....whether they actually came true, thts another story all together.

As of right now, I wish to be a "bigger" person....to not give up easily n persevere...to not whine about others but focus on my own improvement....to suck it up n pick myself up whenever I took a hard hit....to remind myself that I am always the BETTER person and soon enough, all my wishes will be granted upon.

Peace~

as if im not already being underpaid

I have to suffer a PAYCUT....

God I really do love my life right now...its really getting "better" n "better" each day.

Thank god guns are illegal...either I shoot my boss or I shoot myself.

I know im gettin' boring

Yea this blog used to be filled with haps pics and funny quotes...unfortunately this is the life of an adult....really no time...or simply too tired.

So, what they do?they rant about WORK on blogs...oh boy boring n old n stale n fol indeed.

Work has been pickin' up for me, Im starting to learn a few stuff here n there n no longer doing brainless shit like folding letters n inserting them into envelopes...YES I KNOW RIGHT SJB TTM got paper cut summore pls!!

Now that another senior has returned from maternity leave, things are lookin quite promising to me coz she is the only one tht bothers to teach me n explain things to me from start til end...I will thus seize this opportunity and learn from her as much as I can because opportunities like these only comes once in a blue moon.

Work load is also piling up, Im actually rushing a proposal at home now oh boy...but I got bored so I distract myself with blogging...HAHA the irony, when Im damn free I totally dont blog but when Im not, I do....oh well humans, what can i say...FJ TTM...go figure.

Oh yea, n Im also getting fat even tho I go to the gym like crazy I dont know why...N DONT TELL ME ALL THIS BULLSHIT ABOUT MUSCLE MASS coz who are we kidding here we all know tht that is the biggest bullshit in the world!!Alright resolution is to not succumb to the fat working world and be hot and healthy n successful at work...ALRIGHTTTT I CAN DO IT~

2011

Yes its 2011 but sadly I feel nothing....

But I did had an awesome celebration with my "Family" here in spore...for the first time Im celebrating NY in Spore...cuz Im now a working adult and no longer have the time to go home..sad but true.

Talk about resolutions....I have a very simple one, I am not asking much....I just want to be happy thats all.